While I can’t speak for anyone over the age of 25, I can assure you that if you are younger than that and you’re trying to get laid, you should not be going out on dates*.
The very concept of going out on dates to get sex, much like other now useless old school ideas eschewed by our generation, has gone the way of the rhythm method. And just like those who think the rhythm method works, those who think they should be dating to get sex are fucked.
When I first left college, I assumed I would have to start learning the art of dating. It was just one of those things you were supposed to do, right? The casual sex and drunken hook ups of college are supposed to be left in the past, memories to be relished by you in your later days as you reflect upon your wild youth. Everyone is supposedly getting more mature, and we’ve been told more mature people are supposed to date. Sure, you could go out to bars have a good time and whatnot, but if you didn’t get the same night lay, then the next couple of days you were supposed to call that chick whose number you got and go on a date and try to seal the deal. Or something like that.
Let me tell you something: I don’t know when our beloved hook up culture expanded beyond college, but it’s here and we’re still living in it.
I began to fully realize this when I made a quick mental catalog of everyone I knew not too long ago, and I realized that there is not a single dude I know who gets laid that goes on dates pre-notch. Not a single one. My boys who are getting that snatch, whether those who got it with one night stands or are in faux-relationships, or even have a girlfriend now, met and banged their girls after a night out. Then, out at bars, I found, much to my enjoyment, everyone around me is doing the same thing going we all did in college- get blasted and roll home with some trim. Things haven’t changed at all.
Furthermore, and expanding on this, the vast majority of the many girls I know (almost all sexually active, red pill that, homie) not a single one goes on dates before having sex, and very few have even been on a date at all. Instead, they have one night stands, and in the cases of those in relationships, they grew out of continuing to see that dude after that one night.
So yeah, don’t worry too much about going on dates, you don’t need them to get laid. Or to have relationships, if that’s your cup of tea. Didn’t need them in college, don’t need them now. But I’m not done yet. Going on dates, in many cases- and I’ve seen this happen a lot already, experienced it myself as well- will hurt your chances of getting laid.
“Who wants to take me out on a date?” our girls secretly think in the nether regions of their hindbrain, “He must really be serious.” And in today’s Brave New World, regardless of how you feel about it, this is a Beta mark to them. Dates are too formal, too serious for most of our girls, they indicate too much “relationship intent”, even if there never was. I have heard girls laugh about dudes who asked them out- not at the dude, but at the idea of a date. One girl I know dropped a loaded former male model she was talking with because he thought it would be wise to ask her on a date. A few dudes I know, all of certifiable game (natural though it may be) have also had girls drop all communications when they suggested going on a date.
It is an illuminating indicator of how much things have changed that young men who want to go on dates are now almost automatically labelled Nice Guyish and laughed at, all of them. Despite what they say in relationship trasheaps columns or in comments at blogs or bitch about to their friends, most of our girls don’t really want to be wined and dined or thinking about relationships or settling down, they want to party with all their girlies and ride some strange at the end of the night. Hell, I know plenty of girls who party more than I do, if you can believe that; getting serious is just not on their radar. And when they finally do get mixed up with a dude, nearly every time it’s that dude that she hooked up with and kept talking to after, who doesn’t want to get serious and would rather party and stay single, as opposed to the dude who wants to take her on dates.
As for us young men, we should rejoice in the reality that dating is dead; accept it, and let it work for you and your snatch slaying ambitions. For me, I get to save money, and I don’t have to block out mildly sober time for dates with girls in order to get it in. Instead, I can invite a prospect and her friends out to meet up with me and the crew at a bar, everyone can get drunk and have a great time, and not only will I have a better time than if I went on date, my chances of getting laid will actually increase. Wins all around, if you ask me.
*- Day game instadates and online vag trolling are the exceptions
By the sounds of it, American youth culture is becoming more like English culture when it comes to hooking up.
Russell Kane breaks it down at the 3.10 mark in this video.
The dinner + movie date really is dead. But the one-on-one drinks date can still work out. It worked for me on Friday night.
Dude this is exactly where I’ve gone wrong, I think. Too much emphasis on one-on-one dates. Inviting girls out to social events is better, but I do almost no “going out to drink with buddies and meeting girls on the fly.” I need to refine my lifestyle. Although this does vary somewhat by city. LA is much less spontaneous than some places, due to the logistics/culture of driving.
Before I learned about game and the Manosphere, I wasted countless hours and a fair amount of money on dates. I’ve gotten laid from dating maybe twice out of probably fifty first dates. It’s a total waste of time. In the last year (post-game knowledge) I’ve been on one date. Needless to say, that went nowhere.
On the other hand, I haven’t had a dry spell of more than a month. No dates, but plenty of female companionship.
I’m 35 and still do the “dating,” although in my case we go out for drinks, then make out near her car or mine (or on the beach, which is thankfully near my place), and then go back to one of our places. I do online ‘dating’ because I can really get the first couple of ‘dates’ out of the way via email and texting before the actual ‘date.’ But any guy who invests much in a chick before seeing whether she’s any good in bed is a sucker. Most women are awful in bed.
this came from one of my hot facebook friends, she’s been fucking this dude for a while now
‘Gettin purddy and going on me and dereks first official dateee hahaaah’
[Exactly]
I disagree with this post. If you’re going out for drinks and whatnot, it’s still a date, even though it’s not delineated as one. You’re inviting a woman out and probably spending your money on her.
[I think we have different definitions of what a date is, then. I don't see it as a date at all when I text 3-4 prospects to meet me out at the bar with my friends.]
You have a point. However, if you’re one-on-one, it’s a date.
Believe what you want, Frazier. But when I meet up with a girl 1-on-1, I don’t even think of it as a date. Because if I did, I’d be FUCKING UP ALREADY.
It’s a date when she’s earned the girlfriend title.
A “date” is a prior appointment – something you make with at least a couple of days notice. That’s what the word means: “we will chose a date on which we will go out together, and map that date in our calendars”.
This is old news in Northern Europe. People have done this for ages. Most dating and even LTR’s begin after a druken shag.
Exactly.
Better to spend money on a few rounds of drinks that help facilitate things vs. a heavy dinner that produces a slumber (plus its cheaper too)
I take girls out on dates and bang them afterwards, but I’ve never had any success with girls over 24.
*with girls UNDER 24
Girls under 24 are one-night stand only.
I’m about to take Roosh’s “no dating challenge” now that I’ve got the online dating piece mostly out of the way. Cheaper, faster, less overall investment, no remorse. What’s not to love about the ONS?
Are fathers even paying attention to their daughters anymore? Like suggesting she might want to think about her future after 25? Or is the typical father too busy working extra hours to fund her useless college degree?
The typical father these days sees the kids for three supervised hours a fortnight and has a restraining order barring him from any contact the rest of the time.
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I’ve set up chicks both foreign and domestic online, then smashed within hours of arriving in their cities. If done right, you can skip the “date.” I did have dinner with one in London, then smashed that night. My second trip through we hung out for a bit, then smashed – no drinks or food even. I had drinks with one in Phoenix, then smashed that night. In Mexico, I had one pick me up from the airport, go straight to her house and started smashing inside of 30 minutes. I have a Peruvian, a Colombian and one in the Netherlands that I’m getting the good vibe from. It’s all about building attraction without dating. If women don’t seem to care about it, why should we?
Agreed, your age qualifier is important. Even with girls I’ve met online, if they are around 23 or below asking her out on a date is suicide. Once a girl gets above 25 or 26 though I’ve found that the casual meet up for drinks date is still the norm.
I graduated from college about a year ago. I’d ask girls on dates, fully aware that it made me seem slightly beta. They consisted mostly of having a glass of wine in my room. Logistically, the “your crew meets mine” setup is a total fucking pain. Her friend gets too drunk, or she wants to do something else, or some other guy there catches her attention… It really doesn’t take too much to lose her. You still have the other girls in the bar to hit on, but you can still schedule the date at 8PM, and then go out after. Another option is to start texting around 9 PM (pregaming), and agree to meet up later. It still has the risks of the first option.
I still do dates, though most of my recent ones were with online dates. My last one though was with a cute 19 year old sorority chick I met during the day. Though she’s at a college with a more muted hookup scene.
Yes, girls think it’s beta to go out on a date, even when they go online to seek it out. Meanwhile, I’m thinking in my head, “I promise I don’t want to date you, I just want to bang you, and this is the easiest way.” Girls are so used to socializing in mixed groups that dates freak them out. The slightest prospect of a relationship and thus a loss of independence scares them.
I make them drive to me and my logistics/setup is excellent, and I don’t have a consistent drinking crew right now like I did in college, nor do I even like drinking that much. Given all that, I still think the date is superior to the alternatives.
But after reading this, I’m wondering if I should my dates more drunk…
“have also had girls drop all communications when they suggested going on a date.”
That could just be attention whoring. Just because she responds to your texts, doesn’t mean she wants to actually meet up.
Snatch slaying ambitions… dig that. hahaha
this article is pretty spot on, a testimate to our times I suppose.
even tho dating is dead in America, I still enjoy taking a girl out for drinks before I go ATM
call me a romantic…
Brilliant. It’s true, especially if you don’t give a shit. I for one don’t do dates just because it’s too much responsibility, and it reveals too much about intentions. Exception is, if the girl insists on taking me out on a date, and it involves really good food (that she’s buying).
Inception Style Pickup: http://two.cedonulli.com/2011/10/inception-style-pickup/
“And in today’s Brave New World, regardless of how you feel about it, this is a Beta mark to them.”
That’s my sense too, thanks for putting it into words. Any kind of formalized romance is very threatening to young women. It has to be “it just happened!” on steroids. I think because rituals begat responsibilities (he took me out so I’m supposed to kiss him, and we’ve been on fives dates so are we a couple now?), and that takes away their sense of control.
These women are – wait for it – afraid of commitment. I always knew that “fear of commitment” garbage they threw at men was a projection.
Dagonet, I have also had a Eureka recently with this. Even get a pastry and then bounce to a bar where I’ll really put the moves on is too forward and scary for girls. Gotta bring them to house parties or group bar crawls. They are completely socially dysfunctional.
“These women are – wait for it – afraid of commitment. I always knew that “fear of commitment” garbage they threw at men was a projection.”
Spot on Badger. The little beasties are good at that.
Dude you must be above average looking or have unreal game. I can go out to the bar spit game all night long, collect numbers, and when the stars align have a one night stand. However, for most “hot girls” I generally have to see them once or twice more before I can get the bang. I do have a “hot” friend who just goes out gets drunk and girls flock to him and he picks, but for most of us this isn’t an option.
rad makes a good point – if getting a woman to spend one-on-one time with you is a non-starter then what, really, is the gameplan? Throw a house party twice a week and pick one off when everybody’s leaving?
” those who think they should be dating to get sex are fucked”
….So everybody gets laid in the end? ;)
This is not true for all girls, even under 25 :)
Sure sweetie, whatever you say.
I think a lot of what you read on dating blogs must be taken with the context of the author’s attractiveness.
We know that 20% of the guys at college are getting most of the girls. So if the author was very involved in the hook-up scene during college than he must have been part of the 20%.
So what’s the advice for us 80% (and working out doesn’t work since it’s all relative…).
Dating as a method of courtship was dead 20 years ago. Women were just totally fucking confused and didn’t know what to do. I’m glad I realized that early and dropped it like a bad habit. Some guys waste their 20′s trying actually “date”.
Women DO want to go out on dates (and by date I mean a one-on-one activity somewhere public, where you can be seen together) but only after attraction is firmly and unequivocally established.
According to flyfreshandyoung, formerly known as college slacker, hookup is alive and well after college in the working world, and dating is dead or anyway doesn’t work nearly as well in getting sex, at least among the 25 and under hot girl crowd. They just want to have fun:
http://flyfreshandyoung.wordpress.com/2011/10/04/dating-is-dead/
really wish someone would have told me this 20 years ago
Watch this and what happens when you choose an old school “call Cathy”.
Then check the top comment on that Call video. It’s hilarious.
It doesn’t mean girls won’t hang out one on one with you, but they will only do that if they really liked you at the bar and you came across as very sexy and aggressive (i.e. going for the ONS). Also, you must not call that a date, obviously, you’re juste “hanging out”. Asking a girl you don’t know much on a date will make you look like a total beta fool and will only work if you’re freakin gorgeous (and even then).
Girls nowadays can’t handle any pressure of any kind. It’s ridiculous. You don’t even date them and they think you want a relationship. It’s a sad epoch to be beta, and hell of a good time to learn and practice game.
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I think this has been the situation for people in their early 20′s for quite awhile. You get a little older and you have to at least meet her one-on-one for some drinks. The meet-up-with-me-and-my-friends thing isn’t as common past 25, but still happens.
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